Grief Is a Natural Response to Loss
Grief is the strongest of all the emotions which human beings are capable of feeling. It is an individual, psychological process of adjustment after loss—loss of love, loss of relationship, loss of job, or loss of some major change in life. While the pain at times is extremely overwhelming, knowledge of the Stages of Grief may provide the feeling of order to an emotional tempest.
Regardless of how painful, sorrow is not weakness. It’s evidence of love, love and attachment, and human susceptibility to feeling. Knowing a little bit about the stages of this process might enable you to travel through your feelings and come out whole again.
What Are the Stages of Grief?
It is the Stages of Grief framework which was first suggested by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. They were initially applied to terminal illness and are now highly widely applied to response to loss of any kind.
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
We all mourn differently, and the steps aren’t even linear. You’ll repeat some of the steps, skip a few or even all of them at once. What is most crucial to grab onto is that you understand you’re experiencing something and that you will survive it in your own time.
Denial: The first obstacle to pain
During the first stage of Grief, denial is a shock absorber. Denial is a coping mechanism that anesthetizes overwhelming reality. You find yourself muttering, This is impossible, or numb to the reality. Denial insulates us from the worst of loss and gives a few moments to acclimate to shock.
This phase is not about hiding the truth from yourself but giving your mind a little time to slowly acclimate to the new reality. Once the denial stops, your suppressed emotions will start surfacing—and healing is a great thing about that.
Anger: The Emotional Release Valve
And as denial eventually wears off, anger kicks in. You can channel the anger against the dead person, against a god or gods, or at yourself. Painful as it is, anger is nonetheless part of the Stages of Grief norm.
This feeling is a cathartic release. It gives you a sense of mastery in a situation that otherwise is beyond your mastery. Instead of repressing your anger, attempt to experience it—write it out, discuss it with someone you know you can trust, or vent it during exercise. Anger expressed in a healthy way can be therapeutic.
Bargaining: Seeking Answers and Control
When reality finally catches up in the guise of loss, everyone negotiates. That’s the if only and what if stage. You will only be repeating yourself and saying, If only I had done it differently…
Bargaining is a cry of our fearful hope to re-order things in a time of desperation. It is a coping with loss and a reaching not to have pain endure. To know some understanding that such mental process is part of the grieving will serve to minimize guilt or regret.
Depression: The Weight of Loss
In contrast to clinical depression, grief depression is not illness—typical grieving. This period can include extreme sadness, withdrawal, insomnia, and hopelessness.
Maybe acknowledging that this is a journey of Grief will be less embarrassing. It is okay to feel overwhelmed. You owe it to yourself to be nicer to yourself. Be nice to yourself. Call a friend, seek help, or go see a counselor if you feel overwhelmed. You don’t have to do it by yourself.
Acceptance: Accepting a New Reality
The final step, acceptance, isn’t that you’re over grieving. It’s that you’re okay with it. You start to rebuild your life, establish new habits, and find meaning again—even still clinging to the memory of loss.
Aceptación doesn’t take away the pain, but it makes room for peace and repair. It’s to understand that the loss is irrevocable but to figure out how to keep going in beauty and bravery.
Surviving the Stages of Grief in Everyday Life
1. Allow Yourself to Feel
Spoiling the emotions will heal longer. Weep, yell, remember, or even grin when it does feel nice. Denial is not strength.
2. Share Your Loss
Discuss with friends, go to a support group, or see a counselor. Talking about your grief gives space for it to expand, and this lessens feelings of solitude.
3. Care for Your Body
Grief affects your physical health. Eat, sleep, and take some light exercise or movement.
4. Acknowledge the Loss
Establish a ritual—write a letter, light a candle, or go to a sacred place. It might bring emotional closure by validating your grief.
5. Treat Yourself with Kindness
There will never be straight-line recovery. There will be horrible days and others not so horrible. Practice being good to yourself in grief without pressure or judgment.
When to Get Professional Treatment for Grief
While it is common to feel pain of grief, extreme or persistent symptoms may indicate complicated grief or depression. If you cannot work, have gone numb for weeks, or are thinking about killing yourself, you are in need of professional help.
Grief counselors or grief counseling specially trained counselors can guide you through the hurt and teach you in emotional healing skills. Reaching out for help is a demonstration of strength—not weakness.
Conclusion: Becoming Through Sorrow
Painful though it is, grief is also redemption. It transforms us, makes us sensitive to the suffering of fellow human beings, and teaches us what love at its most extreme can be. The Stages of Grief are a map for understanding the turmoil of feelings following loss.
There is no formula, no timetable, but restoration can happen and must happen. With the passage of time, with love, and with compassion—to others, to yourself—you can find meaning in your sorrow and go forward with strength and hope.
